Exploring 2 Unique and Surprising Love Languages
The language of love, or love language, is one way for someone to express love to others.
Historically, there are five love languages initiated by marriage counselor and author Gary Chapman.
According to Psychology Today, the five love languages include:
• Words of Affirmation
Communication is the key to this kind of love language.
Saying “I love you” is great, but sincere compliments, acknowledgment, gratitude, and telling a partner all the things we admire about them are important signals for those who have this love language.
The words of affirmation themselves can be expressed orally or in writing and ideally repeated more than once.
• Actions of Service
People who have this love language want their partner to show their love through action.
For example, help with housework, offer yourself to work on tasks, prepare dinner when you go home to work, or take your car to the workshop for repair.
Even just by saying, “What can I do to make your day brighter?” It can make people who value the action of service feel very happy.
• Quality time
When we have a partner with love language quality time, he may not be too interested in what we do, as long as we do it together with him.
Spending time together (without disturbance) is the primary expression of love for a couple.
It could be doing the same hobby, having a special evening date, gathering with friends, or relaxing on the couch while watching a movie.
• Receiving gifts
Sentimental things have a great meaning for people with this love language.
Small memories of a trip, flowers on the kitchen table, a love note written on the Post-it, or a romantic massage are meaningful gifts for a couple.
These gifts don’t have to be luxurious or expensive, we just need to show our partner that we’re thinking about them.
• Physical touch
Decades of research confirms the healing power of human touch (physical touch).
Especially among couples, physical touch such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, and sexual intimacy play an important role in their emotional relationships.
Couples who have this love language also usually look for closeness and affection as a form of love.
Two new love languages
After learning the five love languages, it was not long ago that two new kinds of love language emerged.
It was revealed through a dating trend report that found that 46 percent of adults in the United States expressed a different love language, out of five ever existing.
The two new additions are sharing shared experiences and emotional security.
Relationship experts then try to outline everything we need to know about these two new love languages as follows.
1. Sharing experiences together
If we are the type of people who mark a calendar along with a variety of activities, most likely our love language is sharing shared experiences.
Like 38 percent of participants in a survey, people who put shared experiences at the top of their list love and give love by creating shared memories with their partners.
Unlike the traditional love language, that is, quality time, sharing shared experiences focuses on finding bonds that are rooted through new and deliberate adventures.
"It's the experience itself and the attention we give to realizing that experience that makes the couple feel loved," said PrioriDating co-founder and relationship adviser Laurel House to Pure Wow.
These are the signs of our love language:
- We feel closer to the couple after attending the event together.
- We are happy to accomplish group tasks.
- We always have someone to accompany us on the road.
- We feel closest when we make new memories.
- We prefer to do something with our partners.
Inviting Your Partner to Join
Our partners is someone who loves words of affirmation and is a little worried about adventurous dating. But that is no problem.
House stressed that instead of putting pressure on the importance of the activity, focus on how pleasant the experience is for us and the partner.
In fact, taking funny photos of both can make unforgettable memories for a few years to come.
Points to Consider
"If we are looking for shared experiences, be careful not to focus too much on chasing adrenaline or the excitement of first love all the time," warned Dr. Tara, a professor from California State University, and relationship expert Shan Boodram.
For those with this love language, it is recommended to distinguish oneself and recognize when we are looking for sensation after sensation rather than fulfilling our needs.
And be wary of signs of addiction to doing something, especially if it is a dangerous activity.
For example, diving into the sea once a year and pushing a partner to constantly pursue new adventures to prove their love for us is something that should not be done.
2. Emotional Security
If we feel closer to our partner when we express our feelings in an intimate conversation, then our love language may be emotional security.
Rooted in conversation, House notes that emotional security occurs when someone feels seen, safe, assured, and accepted as their authentic self.
"Usually, we want to dig into the reasons behind what is happening during a conversation, which means we might tend to dig deeper than the surface," House explained.
If our love language is emotional security, once our partner starts asking (and answering) "why," we may feel a stronger connection.
These signs may be our love language:
- We like to ask a lot of questions.
- We feel closest when our partner shares fears, dreams, past experiences, and more.
- We are deep thinkers and curious listeners.
- We enjoy conversations, even if they are scary.
How to Invite Our Partner to Join
Emotional security can be a difficult love language to assert because it requires walls to be broken down on both sides.
First, it's important to lay out our expectations.
To do this, communicate to our partner that we feel comfortable when they actively listen to us and respond promptly.
Giving examples can also help, such as telling our partner that we're happy when they put their phone aside and respond with more than just a yes or no answer when we ask.
What to Watch Out For
According to Boodram, if all of the above sounds like us, it's important to know that emotional security can easily border on emotional dependence.
"So, make sure that we feel emotionally secure before entering into a relationship, so we don't rely too much on our partner to keep our emotions in check," says Tara.